Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
