just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
