Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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