Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
