You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize