WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
