I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
