Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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