Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
