He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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