I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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