Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
These tits shall not be calmed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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