jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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