YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
