It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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