Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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