If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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