I just saw a hot homeless man
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We are all done wearing pants today
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
