Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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