Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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