So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Operation Purity has been aborted
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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