she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
