Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
