Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
