my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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