this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
