i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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