I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
