Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize