She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
