just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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