he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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