Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
