i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I want to be your penis for a week.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
