It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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