Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
