2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize