I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
