Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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