Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
