Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
