Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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