I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
