She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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