i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
