I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
not ubering you a puppy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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