i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
