The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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