It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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