Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
