she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize