Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is Oprah even human
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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