Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
