those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
COCAINE IS GR8
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
