I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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