We named our party play list daddy issues
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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