come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
