I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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