Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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