where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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