I bet he comes in French.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
