I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
