I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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