Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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