If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
