Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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