was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
