where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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