No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
