a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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