just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize