Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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