i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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