i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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