You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
