My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
