White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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