Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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