I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
