i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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