Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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