go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I cannot find my penis.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
