What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
