I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
