Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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