We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
