Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
