you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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