I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
