Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
