I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
