yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
