I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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