Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
