Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize