I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
