Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
