You made me cry and you don't even care
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
