wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
