Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
